A few words on insecurity

In recent weeks, I have come to some personal self-realizations that weigh heavy on my heart and because I think many people probably share in these struggles, I thought I would share them here. At one point or another, I think everyone experiences that sneaky little monsters known as insecurity and self doubt. I think insecurity creeps up when we are at our weakest points and makes us question who we really are and what our worth really is. Insecurity can take many forms, which while they are constant companions, none will prove to be faithful friends. I think for many women, the little monster presents itself in relationships because for whatever reason you don't quite think you are deserving or good enough for your partner. For young professionals, insecurity can show up in a job situation because you don't feel smart enough or qualified enough to do your job or insecurity makes you doubt yourself when you don't immediately find your dream job. As the recipient of many rejection letters during my job search, I can attest to the fact that it is hard to wonder what you did wrong or why you weren't good enough for the job you wanted.

I will be the first one to admit that during high school, college and beyond, insecurity was an unwelcome third wheel in many of my relationships. I will also be the first one to admit that this type insecurity caused me to act in a way that I am not proud of. Insecurity caused me to self destruct and not trust people because I had doubts within myself. However, as someone who has walked down this road, I can tell you that insecurity has no place in a relationship. In my experience, insecurity in a relationship stems from one of two places (1) self doubt or (2) not trusting the person you are with.  If you are in a relationship where you find yourself not trusting your significant other or fighting the green eyed monster, I would encourage you to ask yourself (1) what inside you makes you think you are not deserving of love or (2) should you really be with that person to begin with.

Trust is a beautiful thing. I find such freedom and contentment in trusting Kevin completely. The trust we share has allowed me to conquer my struggles with insecurity, and our lives are both been better for it. I think this realization came from finally being able to see that no one is perfect. I am not perfect. I mess up many times each and every day. But having confidence in yourself does not require perfection, making mistakes does not mean you are undeserving of love. Having confidence in yourself happens when you realize that you have something to bring to the party. Having confidence in yourself allows you to look insecurity in the face and say while I may have messed up in this situation, I am going to learn from my mistakes. I am going to do better next time. My mistakes do not define me, but instead give me an opportunity to grow. I am not scared of making mistakes but will embrace the opportunity to be a better person.

If you are struggling with insecurity in your life today, I want to encourage you. Appreciate who you are as a person. Embrace your strengths and learn from your weaknesses. Never be too proud to admit you were wrong. And know that before you can unconditionally love someone else, you must first love yourself. You must believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself, this will allow you to trust others. When you believe in yourself and others disappoint you (which they will because we are all human and all disappoint each other at one point of another), you will overcome the disappointment because your self worth is not dependent on someone else's actions. You will be graced with the ability to forgive and the ability to move on. All of this to say, when you love yourself, you believe you are deserving of love, you allow yourself to trust others and while insecurity may knock on your door, you will never have to let it back in. I know they say hindsight is 20/20 and often times we have to learn the hard lessons on our own, but I hope my journey with insecurity may be able to make someone else's journey just a little bit easier.